62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.
- 1. Tony is not allowed to replace the entire contents of the cafeteria with pop-tarts just because Thor has declared it the ‘food of the gods.’
- 2. Natasha is not allowed to interrogate new S.H.I.E.L.D. employees and dispose of the ones she deems unworthy.
- 3. Clint is not allowed to continue insisting that is the final step of the interview process to terrified new hires.
- 4. Tony is not allowed to broadcast sing-along songs into the Hulk-cage, no matter amusing he finds teaching Hulk “Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, turn around”
- 5. Clint is not allowed to put the security feed of the Hulk’s Teddy Bear dance on Youtube.
- 6. Bruce is not allowed to hack into personnel files to look up blackmail material on Director Fury.
- 7. Tony is not allowed to insist that he’s already done so and that Fury’s middle name is Rainbow Sprinkles…. Because it isn’t.
- 8. Thor is not allowed to be naked at Headquarters. Ever.
- 9. Steve is not allowed to address any female S.H.I.E.L.D. agents as ‘little lady,’ ‘broad,’ or ‘dame.’ It only ends in getting slapped.
- 10. Agent Coulson’s name isn’t “Mom.”
- 11. Director Fury should never again be addressed as “Dad”
- 12. Agent Hill is not the Avenger’s wicked stepmother.
- 13. Clint is not allowed to lurk in the shadowy rafters spying on people, unless specifically instructed to do so for an official S.H.I.E.L.D. sanctioned mission.
- 14. ‘Operation Irritate the Fuck Out of Nick Fury’ is not an official mission, no matter what Tony or Natasha say to the contrary.
- 15. Debriefings should not be preceded by tequila shots.
- 16. Debriefings should not be followed by tequila shots.
- 17. There are to be no shots of any kind during debriefings.
- 18. Thor and Hulk will wait to fight until after the battle is over.
- 19. Tony Stark is not God’s gift to women.
- 20. The Avengers do not need matching uniforms.
- 21. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to have a contest to see who can make a bigger “boom” in the lab.
- 22. Thor is not allowed to join in and make the biggest boom with his hammer.
- 23. The Avengers will not be celebrating Steve’s 94th birthday.
- 24. The laboratory is not Tony and Bruce’s ‘Super Secret Genius Clubhouse.’ They are not allowed to bar entry to employees based on IQ test results.
- 25. The Avengers are not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.
- 26. Iron Man is not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.
- 27. Tony Stark is not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.
- 28. Thor is not allowed to ‘bring down the wrath of Odinson’ on the person who ate the last package of pop-tarts.
- 29. Pants are not optional at team meetings.
- 30. ‘Pepper said it was okay’ is not a good enough reason to defy a director order from command.
- 31. The words “What’s the worst that could happen?” are never to be uttered on a mission ever again.
- 32. MC Hammer did not write Thor a theme song.
- 33. Gumby is not the love child of Bruce Banner and Reed Richards.
- 34. Natasha and Clint are not allowed to impersonate members of the clergy ever again. Ever.
- 35. Blasting ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ at top volume into Bruce’s room on loop overnight is not an effective way to suppress the Hulk.
- 36. Hawkeye is not sitting in the rafters waiting to pick off people playing Galaga on their computer during work hours.
- 37. Tony is not allowed to bribe Natasha and Clint to physically, emotionally or psychologically torture General Ross for being ‘a great big douchebucket’ and ‘being mean to Brucie-kins.’
- 38. Steve is ‘Captain America’ not ‘Captain New York and those 49 other, lesser states.’
- 39. ‘Hulk SMASH!’ is not an effective diplomatic policy.
- 40. Tony is not allowed to buy the Dodgers and move them back to Brooklyn to apologize for lighting Steve’s hair on fire.
- 41. The phrase ‘Trust me, I’m a doctor’ never leads anywhere good.
- 42. It is not funny to dare Bruce to drink three quarts of green food coloring before a urine test.
- 43. Steve is not to be introduced as ‘Captain Tightpants’ or ‘The All-American Virgin.’
- 44. The Avengers do not ‘charge into battle, naked like the Celts.’ Except for The Hulk. Sometimes.
- 45. Natasha’s glare is not in fact fatal. Tony is not allowed to continue implying that it is.
- 46. Tony is not allowed to convince Bruce to help him make death ray goggles so that it will be.
- 47. The Avengers are not allowed to overthrow the American government, just because they didn’t like the results from the last election.
- 48. The Avengers are not allowed to overthrow any government, without checking in with S.H.I.E.L.D. first.
- 49. Clint is not allowed to sell Thor any ‘magic beans.’
- 50. Natasha and Clint are not allowed to try to sell Tony to another planet, even if they are promised really cool new weapons in exchange.
- 51. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to go to any science conferences without a chaperone.
- 52. A robot Tony built does not count as a chaperone.
- 53. Nikola Tesla is not a vampire being held in the bowels of S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters.
- 54. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to go searching for him in the name of Science!
- 55. Clint’s super-power is not ‘being super-annoying.’
- 56. The following words and phrases are never to be uttered over communication devices during an active mission ever again: “Exploring sexuality,” “Necrophilia,” “It’s getting hot in herr, so take off all your clothes,” “I hate everyone on this mission and I wish they’d die in a fire,” “Nick Fury can go suck on a big bag of sausages,” references to Bruce’s giant stash of weed, mention of anyone’s erection, or “Shawarma.”
- 57. If it makes Tony giggle for more than 30 seconds, it isn’t allowed.
- 58. If it makes Natasha crack a smile, it’s probably illegal.
- 59. Thor taking Jane to see Asgard does not count as an alien abduction. Clint should stop referring to it as such.
- 60. Just because Bruce agreed to work in Tony’s lab, does not mean he needs to get a “Property of Stark Industries” tattoo.
- 61. Tony is not allowed to design a robot to draw said tattoo on Bruce when he falls asleep in the lab.
- 62. Post-mission reports to Director Fury should not start out ‘So let me explain…’
A Compost Experiment
UW Farmers, keep making your compost. The compost crew just tested our product, so we can show you that it works.
When I sent an email to the UW Farm listserv to enlist help for starting tomatoes in October 2013, I received a couple of puzzled responses from our concerned veteran farmers:
“Kay, ya know it’s winter right?”
“Why are you starting tomatoes at this time of the year? Just curious.”
It was not because we were craving greenhouse-grown tomatoes, nor was it because we were in denial of winter’s arrival. It was because we were using tomato plants as our experimental “subjects”.
This experiment was dovetailing of my research question and interests with those of our farm manager Sarah Geurkink. I was interested in finding out whether the compost that farmers have always been making in our Back Forty actually helps improve soil fertility. At the same time, Sarah was concerned about the impoverished state of the soil at the UW Farm’s new Mercer site. Unlike the rich, dark and sweet-smelling soil we have at the Botany Greenhouse site, where compost has been added for years, the soil at Mercer looked mostly like a mixture of dry, grey sand and silt interspersed with jaggy little rocks.
Is it just the look of the soil that differs? Or is it functionally different for plant growth as well? The pictures here are worth a thousand words (although the thousand words follow for those of you interested in nitty-gritty ecological methods). Mercer soil made stunted tomato plants, but even 25% of that soil replaced with UW-grown compost helped them thrive!
When it comes to cooking, not everyone is at the same skill level…
Fake Pockets: A How To
if you buy me cute underwear i’ll model it for you
True words. Dirt can be dreamy.
I wish I’d had this a few weeks ago, when I was telling students how not to present their data. This is a chart illustrating the effects of stand-your-ground-laws on murder in Florida.
I glanced at that and thought, “Whoa, surprise: the stand-your-ground-laws had a pretty dramatic effect in reducing murder. I did not expect that at all.”
And then I was a bit disappointed: “But they really should have set the Y axis at zero. It’s a bit misleading and magnifies the apparent effect, otherwise.”
And then I did a double-take: “They inverted the freaking Y axis!”
That’s right. It doesn’t show a decline, it shows a dramatic spike in murder after the law was passed. The text in the article actually says that clearly, but the chart was actively selling the opposite message. They’ve since added a corrected chart that actually makes the point clearly, instead of obscuring it.
I took away two points. It’s really easy to lie with graphics, and shouldn’t any evidence-based legal system recognize the consequences of passing a bad law and correct itself?
This is ingenious.
mcdonalds needs to do this
okay but I’m actually really scared that the lid of the drink is going to come off or something
//the way this works is that it stops about 2 inches above the top (the hole only big enough to go that far without ripping) so you wouldn’t have to worry about the lid coming off!
it’s really a brilliant idea. it cuts down on the amount of materials used, and space it takes up. all around good engineering.
from the looks of it it might be recycled materials too? if not then it should be.
it frees up your other hand from having to carry your drink but also doesn’t shove the cold drink next to the warm food
This is the definition of innovation, no amount of sleeves on a blanket can beat this.
ALWAYS REBLOG KAT DENNINGS SLAMMING SLUT SHAMING
This movie was pretty decent!
she wears short skirts, i wear t-shirts, but not for long because we are currently taking off our clothes surprise we’re lesbians
the thing i regret the most about getting a tumblr is that suddenly i’m staying up all night on this website instead of staying up all night reading a book
This is the most accurate thing I’ve ever read.
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